Broken Butterfly
by pretttykittty
Summary: Sara thinks Grissom is going to fire her but what actually happens leaves her stunned...set during Nesting Dolls


**A/N - This is my very first fanfic, it is my 'interpretation' on what happened in Sara's appartment in Nesting Dolls. GSR always :) I'll welcome any response, I don't own any of the characters or situations...wish I did though! Italics are lifted from the 'script'**

_**Broken Butterfly**_

_"Do you think there's a murder gene?"_

Grissom was temporarily stunned. _"I don't believe that genes are a predictor of violent behaviour"_ was his carefully thought out reply.

_"You wouldn't know that in my house. The fights, the yelling, the trips to the hospital. I thought it was the way that everybody lived. When my mother killed my father, I found out that it wasn't."_

Grissom looked on helplessly as the beautiful woman in front of him, the woman he wished to could risk everything for, the woman he had loved from afar, broke down in tears, sobs escaping from her throat. Her carefully sculpted tough façade melted in front of his very eyes. She held her head in her hands and no longer tried to hide her pain, what was the point, she knew she was about to be fired so she had nothing else to loose. Grissom knew that now wasn't the time to stay distant, he couldn't do it anymore, he slowly reached across and held Sara's hand, squeezing it gently but thoughtfully.

Sara looked up momentarily stunned, through her tear filled eyes she glanced at her hand to actually check to see if her mind was playing tricks on her, but it wasn't. Grissom's hand was covering hers, holding it tenderly. In her confusion she continued to sweep her gaze up to Grissom's face and through her soulful brown eyes she met his intensely blue ones, and if she wasn't mistaken, his also had tears brimming. The shock this brought to her stopped her sobs and she managed to somehow raise a quizzical eyebrow at him. Grissom cleared his throat and let go of her hand.

"Are you crying because you know it will be so much harder to fire an emotional woman" Sara asked, trying to inject a strength into her voice that belied her vulnerable state.

"No" came the reply "I'm sad because it hurts me to see your pain" he answered honestly.

Sara gasped at this admission and started to stumble for the right words, but the questions remained unsaid as she struggled to understand what was going on, her already emotionally numbed mind trying to work overtime to figure out what was going on.

"Your pain hurts me because I care about you", Grissom carried on before Sara could interrupt him. "I care so deeply it scares me. You know I'm not good with people. People are unpredictable and that can get messy, you know that more than most, you see what I see every day, people murdering each other because of emotions. How many men and women do we see every year who say they killed their spouse because they loved them? I focus on the science because it means I don't have to deal with the emotion. But I'm still human and when I realised how much I was drawn to you it scared me, so I pushed you away and that was wrong of me, I was so wrapped up in protecting my own feelings I disregarded yours. I found my solace in focusing harder on work, you found yours at the bottom of a glass. I'm so sorry for pushing you away Sara."

Sara looked at him, stunned by the admission and the apology. Again as she struggled to find the words Gil continued.

"When I got that phone call to say I needed to collect you from the police station it was a wake up call to the feelings I'd tried so hard to suppress, and when I dropped you off here and you kissed me at the door, the guilt I felt afterwards when I pulled away and said you were drunk…it…well, it wasn't fair of me, I punished you because I was afraid of my own feelings. I didn't want to take advantage of you and now I'm scared that this admission will make you feel as if I'm taking advantage of you again because you are so vulnerable right now…I'm so so sorry Sara."

With that Gil made to get up, he was so deeply embarrassed. The openness and honesty of his declaration scared him and now he wanted to run away and bury his head back into the microscope.

"Wait", Sara said quietly. Gil sat back down. Sara stood up and moved from the armchair to sit next to him on the sofa. She held onto his hand this time. "Look at me" she softly commanded. Grissom cleared his throat and slowly met her gaze, "Don't ever apologise to me Griss." She smiled her lopsided smile at him, her face blotchy from crying, cheeks still damp from the tears she had shed. He smiled back but the smile didn't quite reach his eyes, he was still so embarrassed for letting someone see his human side, a side of himself he never acknowledged in such an honest way.

"I really ought to be going, Sara", Grissom spoke quietly.

"Why?", Sara asked.

"Because I can't do this. I'm your supervisor and if I stay here then what I want to happen next will be an abuse of my power"

"But you came here to fire me? Ecklie wants me out, Catherine hates me, so you're no longer my supervisor" Sara sighed, stroking his hand like he her stroked hers earlier.

"Fire you? Never Sara! I came to see if you were alright and ended up making a fool of myself. Seeing you being so honest and raw did something to me, I lost my boundaries and now I need to regain them. I have to leave Sara, I'm sorry".

"Don't leave", Sara almost whispered, looking away from him, not trusting herself to maintain eye contact as the tears were threatening to return. "You can't say all those things, tell me you care for me then just leave! I need you, Gil". Sara glanced up and back into the eyes of Grissom, the man she had loved since what felt like forever. She should have felt jubilant that the feelings were mutual, but his fear made her scared. She released his hand and moved to stroke his cheek.

Grissom exhaled heavily, trying to wrestle his internal dilemma. As Sara's smooth hand stroked his cheek he unthinkingly raised his hand to her wrist and slowly moved his thumb in small circles over the delicate skin of the inner wrist, all the time staring into the deep pools of Sara's eyes. It was now or never. He gave a small sigh again then leaned into her, Sara took the cue and leaned in too. They're lips met and the earth fell silent. The kiss started gently and tenderly, then the years of repressed emotion on both of their parts overtook and the kiss became wild and passionate, their teeth clashed and their hands roamed all over one and other, there was nothing graceful about it, it was a hunger born from the years of denial.

Finally they broke apart, the pupils of Grissom's deep blue eyes were massively dilated and Sara's chest was heaving from the kiss that literally had taken her breath away. "Wow" was all Sara managed to say, grinning up at the man she loved. Grissom was also similarly lost for words, he wanted to quote Shakespeare to impress the beautiful woman who had forgiven him in a kiss, but instead the only words that came out were "Sara, I've always loved you, and I know I'll love you forever". And then the tears fell freely for both him and her, but they were tears of joy not sadness, and for the first time they both felt complete.


End file.
